Self-proclaimed… artificial humanoid alien.

Self-proclaimed… time-traveling girl.

Self-proclaimed… squad of ESPer boys.

Each had shown Kyon honest proof of their identity.

Each had been focusing on Haruhi for their own reasons.

And each has shown some attraction to Kyon, which bugs him quite a bit.

Itsuki had earlier told him that aliens, time travelers, and ESPers were swarming around for one reason.

Haruhi wills it!

Yes, Haruhi's out-of-control imagination is actively making Kyon wonder if he's on crack.

Because he really needs to concentrate.

You see, he's about to run into a huge problem.

And it doesn't involve any plans invoked by that sneering bastard called Fujiwara.

(OP: "Bouken Deshou Deshou? (cover version)" by Emma Watson)

Today's episode: "The End of the World as We Know It?"

Kyon's walk up the hill is given a major disturbance by a smack on the back by Taniguchi. "Yo! Man, what a pain, to spend all that time getting my hair right only for it to get soaking wet. Am I normal or what?"

Kyon says, "Define normal first. Then we can talk."

"Sorry about that, it was just a joke. Are you normal? Now look, a normal high school student wouldn't push a girl down in an empty classroom.

"I'm a man too, you know. I have enough judgment and pride to not go Dirty Harry on you for the whole story. But tell me, how did you get so close all of a sudden--to Yuki Nagato, an A-, even?"

"Now see here… your story is delusional and completely misguided. Nagato was the victim here, her clubroom having been taken over by Haruhi.

"She had been troubled by how Haruhi's club activities were getting in the way, so she turned to me.

"She wanted to know how to get Haruhi the hell out of there. Now, I sympathize with her, so I figured I should help the poor girl.

"We decided to discuss remedial measures in the classroom once Haruhi was out of the way for the day.

"Then Nagato, a chronic anemic, blacked out, so I decided to catch her. Then you came in.

"Indeed, once the truth comes to light, it seems so trivial."

"Liar. Even if I believed that, the fact that a hikikomori like Yuki Nagato would come to you for help already makes you not normal.

"Not surprising, given your relationship with Suzumiya. If you can be considered normal after that, then I'm as normal as a water flea."

"Are you an ESPer?"

"Oh… I knew it. You finally caught the Suzumiya virus. Nice knowing you, Kyon. Stay away from me or I'll catch it too."

Kyon shoves Taniguchi in disgust.

Haruhi is basically withering in the intense heat. "Kyon, I'm hot."

Kyon says, "Yeah, well, so am I."

"Fan me, if you don't mind."

"I fan no one but myself. Seriously, do I look like I have the energy to waste on you this early in the morning?"

"Who should we have Mikuru cosplay as next? Mio Akiyama? Hot Lips O'Houlihan? Tina Turner? Damn, you look dumb. Seriously, it's so freaking boring!"

Haruhi forms her lips into an upside-down V.

After gym, Haruhi remains in her gym uniform, her bike shorts conspicuously poking out from under her bloomers.

"Grazie al cazzo, it's as hot as hell, and I shouldn't have to take this anymore. Who gives a shit, anyhow? I'll have to change at the clubroom anyway.

"And since I'm on cleaning duty this week, it'd be easier to move in this."

Kyon says, "I guess that makes sense."

"You fantasizing about something? Well, don't even think about laying so much as a finger on Mikuru's arm until I show up."

At the clubroom, Yuki is still reading Fahrenheit 451, as usual. Mikuru is making tea. And Kyon is at the computer booting it up.

Kyon opens the freeware viewer and inputs the password "DELOREAN". The MIKURU folder opens instantly.

He then enlarges one of the images and zooms in. He discovers the mole. He zooms in again to verify that it's star-shaped. "Eureka."

"Huh? Did you just figure something out?"

Kyon hastily closes the freeware viewer and the MIKURU folder but forgets to close the window with the MIKURU folder. "Huh? What's this? A folder with my name?"

Kyon swears under his breath. "Christ!"

"I wonder what's inside… show me, show me!"

"Uh, this is just, well… I don't think it's important… Yep. That's it. Nothing important at all."

"That's a lie!"

Smiling, Mikuru grabs for the mouse, but Kyon tries to resist. "Um, Asahina, could you please… let go…?"

"Show me--"

Mikuru manages to open the folder as Haruhi walks in and asks, "What. The. Hell. Are. You. Two. Doing?"

Mikuru goes pale immediately. Kyon says, "Mikuru! I'm so sorry I stashed those photos of you in secret--"

Mikuru says, "That's not what I'm worried about! It's Miss Suzumiya!"

Kyon had secretly typed a message that would be blatantly displayed in the side panel of the folder once it opened.



Mikuru steps back, saying, "Like I said, I'm fine with these photos being on the computer as long as Miss Suzumiya has strictly prohibited any use of them other than for private viewing on the computer…"

Haruhi says, "So maids turn you on, huh? Is that it, flyboy?"

Kyon asks, "What is she talking about?"

Mikuru says, "Must've been those photos…"

Haruhi says, "And besides, I wasn't the one that wrote such a notice for the photo. Although, after conversation with Kyon, I decided that posting those photos wasn't worth it.

"Originally, we agreed to delete them; however, I'm fine with whatever he ultimately decided to do with the photos as long as you're fine with it. Anyway, I'm getting changed."

Kyon says, "Go ahead, make my day."

"I said I'm getting changed, smartass!"

"What about it?"


With that, Kyon finds his face inside a fresh hole in the wall in the hallway. He pulls it out, saying, "Jerk. Well, now I know it ain't called the old shack for nothing. I mean, look at this place!"

After 10 minutes, Mikuru says, "You can come in now…"

Kyon finally opens the door to see Haruhi wearing the same bunny girl outfit as before, with the same bike shorts poking out from under her corset. For once, she isn't wearing fishnets with the outfit.

"Well, my arms and shoulders are cool, but the rest of this damn outfit doesn't breathe! For the love of Mike, what a lousy trade-off!"

Then Itsuki shows up with an open book titled How to Succeed in British Without Really Trying. "Whoa, what's all this, then? Costume day for the SOS Brigade?"

Even Yuki and Kyon are in costume. Yuki is wearing a Rei Ayanami plugsuit, and Kyon is wearing obvious drag; no wig, incomplete makeup, and a nurse dress.

Yep. Just like Gilligan's Island.

Haruhi is applying white, green, and red makeup to Kyon and has green hairspray on hand.

Itsuki says, "Scusami. I wasn't notified."

Kyon asks, "Why so serious?"

Haruhi says, "Hold still, Kyon! I just thought I'd try to liven up the mood by dressing everyone up!

"Mikuru told me she remembers from somewhere that she saw a picture of the Joker dressed as a nurse while visiting Harvey Due Facce in a Gotham hospital! She didn't say where, though. I wish she'd be more specific…"

Haruhi finishes applying the makeup, messes up Kyon's hair, and sprays it so he looks like the Joker.

Mikuru walks up to Kyon and says as an aside, "To tell her anything more would be divulging classified information about my time plane and the movies already made by that point."

Haruhi says, "Mikuru! Front and center!"

Mikuru walks over to the chair where Haruhi points her to. Haruhi starts playing with her hair.

Kyon, with that fake red smile painted over his mouth, asks, "Wanna play some Othello?"

Itsuki says, "Sounds fabulous. We haven't played in a while."

Things aren't any livelier than the costumes for the remainder of the club meet.

That night, Kyon is trying to get further into The Martian Chronicles. Surprisingly, it actually engages him.

However, the book is still too long for him to finish in one night, so after a while he put the book down, bookmark to mark his place, and goes to bed.

Then something happens that not even he expects.

"Kyon… wake up. I SAID WAKE UP, DAMMIT!"

Haruhi slams Kyon's head against the concrete. "OW! NOT SO HARD… huh? Where am I? More importantly, what are you two doing here?"

Mikuru says, "K-K-Kyon… I was so worried…"

All three are bundled up for a night out in the winter solstice. Haruhi is covered up even moreso than usual, wearing a red hooded jacket, light-rinse blue jeans, and sneakers. She's still wearing her hair ribbon.

Kyon is wearing a Columbo-style brown trenchcoat, a black Metallica T-shirt, and dark-rinse blue jeans.

Mikuru is wearing a neater-looking pink knee-length trenchcoat over a cyan dress and white tights.

However, Kyon isn't able to tell, because everything around him is a gray monochrome. He reaches for his henshin device and finds it in his pocket.

Haruhi says, "I thought I had woken up, but then I found myself here, next to you and Mikuru. What's going on? Why are we here?"

Kyon asks, "Haruhi, are we the only ones here?"

"Yeah. I know I was sleeping in my bed, so how did I end up here? And the sky really doesn't look like a sky…"

Mikuru asks, "D-Did you see K-Koizumi?"

"No. Why?"


Kyon says, "Let's leave the school grounds for now. We might run into someone somewhere, hopefully."

Haruhi says, "You don't seem surprised."

Kyon says, "Au contraire."

He walks right into an invisible wall and says, "I knew it."

Haruhi asks, "What is this?"

She runs into the wall and is blown several yards away, injuring her leg in the process. Mikuru tries pushing, whimpering as she realizes that they're all trapped together.

Kyon says, "Give it up, Mikuru. We've already demonstrated that we're trapped. All of us. Perhaps if we could go out back…"

Haruhi says, "Shouldn't we try to contact someone first? Assuming we can find a phone, of course. I, for one, don't have one on me."

The trio walks into the school, checking the nightshift watchman's office and the faculty office.

Figuring out that the door's locked, Haruhi grabs a fire extinguisher, throws it at the window to smash it, and enters.

She says, "Come on, you two! We have to find a phone!"

Kyon and Mikuru climb through the window. Haruhi picks up a phone and tries dialing a random number.

"Hello? Hello? Anyone? Damn it!"

Nothing on the other end. Haruhi unlocks the door and opens it. All three exit the faculty office.

Kyon says, "Don't expect much from me, Haruhi. I really don't know how to deal with this. If you're scared, though, just cling to my arm to enhance the atmosphere."


They finally enter the classroom. It's empty and dark. A real ghost town setting. Haruhi says, "No… it can't be. Where are we? Oh, this gives me the creeps…"


The trio enters the clubroom. Kyon turns on the radio, but it only emits white noise. "Nothing…"

Mikuru asks, "Want tea?"

Haruhi says, "No thanks."

"Want tea, Kyon?"

Kyon says, "Sure."

Kyon takes a sip and says, "I sure am lucky you're here to fix my tea if we're going to be here for a very long time."

Haruhi asks, "What's going on? What is this? I don't get it. Where the hell are we? And why am I in this place? And why is it just you… and me… and Mikuru?"

Kyon says, "Hell if I know."

Haruhi reaches into her jeans pocket and pulls out her henshin device. She says, "I'm going to go explore a bit. You two stay here. I'll be right back."

As Haruhi leaves, Kyon asks, "Does she realize how stupid she is for saying that? If this was a horror movie, she'd be zombie fodder in nothing flat."

Mikuru says, "Um, Kyon…"


"I'm sorry. It's all my fault."

"What are you talking about?"

Suddenly, a red glowing sphere appears and takes on a humanoid shape. "Hello."

"Koizumi? Took you long enough. I was expecting you to be fully human when you came in."

"Yeah, well, I need to let you know quite concisely. No beating around the bush. I'll be frank. This is abnormal.

"Normally, I'd be able to enter Closed Space effortlessly. However, this time I could only appear in incomplete form with all the help from all my colleagues.

"Even then, it won't last very long, methinks. The power within us is beginning to disappear."

"What's going on? Are Haruhi and Mikuru and I the only ones here?"

"Precisely. In other words, as we have feared, Suzumiya has finally given up on the current world and is in the process of creating a new one.

"As a direct result, our superiors are in a state of panic. Nobody knows what will happen to our world now that it's lost its God.

"Maybe Suzumiya has decided to show mercy, and we'll continue on as if that strange event didn't happen at the turn of the millennium.

"Alternatively, we could simply fade away."

Mikuru whimpers and asks, "Why did this happen?"

Itsuki says, "No one knows. In any case, you and Suzumiya have disappeared from this world, along with Asahina.

"This is not ordinary Closed Space, but rather, an entirely new dimension created by Suzumiya.

"Perhaps the previous examples of Closed Space were just practice for this one…"

Kyon says, "Very funny, Koizumi. Tell me where I'm supposed to laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha."

"Unfortunately, I'm dead serious. The world you're in is probably the closest manifestation to Haruhi's desires, though we're not sure what it is she wants.

"Indeed, who knows?"

"Setting that aside, why are we here?"

"Do you really not know? You, Kyon, have been chosen by Suzumiya. And you, Mikuru, landed here completely by accident.

"It would appear that I'm almost out of time. The way things look, it doesn't appear as though we'll be seeing each other again. At least I won't be hunting for Shinjin anymore…"

"Do I have to live in this gray world with Haruhi?"

"Adam and Eve. Reproduce enough, and it'll work out, won't it?"

Mikuru says, "I guess that would make me the godmother to their kids… right?"

Kyon says, "Koizumi, you idiot."

Itsuki says, "I was just kidding. That said, I would assume that this Closed Space will only last momentarily.

"It should soon look familiar, though not entirely the same. You could say your world is now the real world and the rest of the world is Closed Space.

"Pity I won't be around to observe the differences. But if I'm reincarnated in your world, please treat me kindly."

"We can no longer go back to the old world?"

"If Suzumiya wills it, perhaps you could. Chances are slim, though. As for myself, my one regret is not being able to spend time with you.

"Oh, almost forgot. Yuki said to turn on the computer. I'll be going now. Goodbye, Kyon and Mikuru."

Itsuki is snuffed out of the Closed Space quickly. Kyon walks to the computer and boots it.

We then see the following exchange.

YUKI.N> Can you see this?
YUKI.N> The connection has not been completely severed with your spacetime. However, it is only a matter of time. The connection will be closed soon. That will be the end.
What should I do?
YUKI.N> Nothing can possibly be done. The eruption of abnormal data in this world has completely vanished. The Data Overmind is in severe distress. The possibility for evolution has been lost.
What was that whole possibility of evolution crap anyway? What part of Haruhi could possibly be evolved?
YUKI.N> A high level of intelligence refers to data processing speed and accuracy. The intelligence of organic life forms has limited processing capabilities due to error and noise data from their physical bodies. As a result, once they reach a certain level, evolution stops.
So it's our physical bodies that are the problem?
YUKI.N> The Data Overmind was itself created from data. It was believed that their data processing ability would increase infinitely until the heat death of the universe. Alas, we were wrong. As the universe has its limits, so does evolution. At least, as long as they remain a discarnate entity of data.
And Suzumiya?
YUKI.N> Haruhi Suzumiya possessed the ability to create data from nothing. An ability the Data Overmind does not have. A human, a mere organic life form, is creating more data than it can process in its lifetime. If we could analyze this ability, it is believed we could find a clue regarding autoevolution.
YUKI.N> We are counting on you.
YUKI.N> Because Haruhi Suzumiya is too vital an observation subject for us to lose, a being that can only appear once in a blue moon. I too have my own reasons to await your return.
YUKI.N> Not the least of which is another visit to the library.
YUKI.N> sleeping beauty

Finally, the computer boots up. Kyon asks, "What do you want me to do, Nagato? Koizumi?"

Mikuru says, "Ohh… I've got a bad feeling about this…"

Suddenly, Haruhi bursts in. "Kyon! Mikuru! Something's here! What is that? It sure is big. A monster? A mirage?

"Maybe it's an alien. Or it's the revival of some super weapon developed by an ancient race! Is that what's keeping us trapped here?"

Kyon says, "Miss Asahina! Follow me! You too, Haruhi!"

Mikuru follows willingly, but Haruhi doesn't budge until Kyon grabs her hand and yanks her out as she yells, "Wha--hey! What are you doing!?"

Kyon seems to have recognized the roar that follows, because he, Haruhi, and Mikuru run like hell.

Only it isn't the Shinjin he's familiar with.

But it's something else he's familiar with: a metal appendage crashes through the building and chases after the three.

They're shortly slammed to the ground. Haruhi says, "Shit!" Kyon grabs her hand and pulls her up.

The three then continue their sprint. Another appendage grabs Mikuru as they make their way down the stairs.

Kyon jumps after her, and Haruhi follows him. They're clinging to the appendage like crazy.

Kyon yells, "Can we get her unhanded easily?"

Haruhi yells, "I hope we can do this without getting a peek up her skirt!"

The appendage thrashes about. Haruhi takes the brunt of the thrashing, and Kyon is also wounded.

Finally, it throws them out of the school and onto the empty lot in front of the school. Haruhi tries to get up but can only move her head. "Not again…"

Kyon says, "If only Nagato was here… you got paralyzed real bad this time, that wasn't a normal throw, and you were already most severely damaged as it stands."

Haruhi looks up and sees the familiar monster. "I knew it… Fujiwara must've had a hand in this."

Kyon asks, "Don't you want to go back to our world? We can't stay here forever, especially not with this monster here!

"And what about the SOS Brigade? You made the club; do you seriously think I'm going to let you ditch it?

"I want to go back.

"I discovered something after being put here with you and Asahina. Sure, I may specialize in bitching all the time, but I actually like how my life was.

"Including that idiot Taniguchi and Kunikida, and Koizumi, and Nagato--hell, even Asakura!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I want to see them again."

Kyon runs over to Haruhi and puts her henshin device in her hand. He then pushes her fingers onto the buttons.

Seeing this, Mikuru pushes the buttons on her own henshin device. Kyon pushes the buttons on his own afterward.

Haruhi asks, "What are you doing?"

Kyon says, "Trust me. On three. Uno… due… tre."

"Pretty Cure! Paranormal Power-Up!"

As Haruhi transforms, her hair lengthens back to its original length and turns a lighter shade of brown, called chocolate. Her yellow hair ribbon is retained.

We see a red frilly top appear, similar to that worn by Cure Black. A red bow appears in front, fastened by a gold clasp.

As the camera moves down, jean shorts form on her, followed by short wrist-length white gloves.

As she moves her hands up her legs, red thigh-high stockings appear. Finally, white boots appear on her feet.

As Kyon transforms, his hair lengthens a bit and gains a red tint to it (though not becoming completely red).

Lasers wrap around him to form a similar top to what Cure Dio is wearing, only colored brown and sans bow, and also with edgier shoulder pads, as well as dark brown shorts.

Short brown boots form around his feet, and a red visor appears over his eyes.

As Mikuru transforms, her hair grows longer, falling just beyond her waist. It also goes from red to cerise.

A light shines onto her, and a frilly pink dress with a stiff skirt appears. Lace trim appears on the hem, and a pink bow appears on the front, fastened by a silver clasp.

On her hands form white gloves that reach up to her elbows, and pink boots appear halfway up to her knees.

"The God Cure is the protector of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Dio!"

"The Key Cure is the password of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Chiave!"

"The Time Cure is the ticktockwoman of the universe! Emissary of light, I am Cure Tempo!"

Cure Dio performs a backflip and lands on her feet, and Cure Tempo walks gracefully a few steps.

As Dio displays the metal horns and Cure Chiave outstretches his open palm, the three proclaim, "SOS! Pretty Cure!"

The fight lasts about a minute and is most brutal, especially to Cure Dio, who was just starting to walk again after having been paralyzed again just minutes earlier.

Cure Dio remarks, "That monster doesn't want me to walk!"

Cure Chiave yells, "Hold on! Fire your laser beams! Don't tell me you forgot about it!"

Cure Dio charges ahead and fires a series of laser beams at the monster. Aiming both hands at it, she yells, "Spiriti cattivi andatevene, perche io vi schiaccerò! PRETTY CURE UNIVERSAL REMOTE!"

A high-intensity laser shreds the Ujasukus before anyone knows it. Cure Tempo is amazed and says, "It's… gone."

Cure Chiave says to himself, "If the Shinjin are replaced here by one of Fujiwara's monsters, this is no ordinary Closed Space indeed."

Then he walks up to Cure Tempo, who says, "Kyon… go to her. The future me may have had her in mind when she asked you to remember the story of Snow White."

Cure Chiave says, "All right… I'll give it a try."

He then walks up to Cure Dio and says, "Actually, Haruhi… ponytails turn me on. That ponytail you used to wear on Tuesdays… it looked so good it should've been illegal!"

Cure Dio can only ask, "Are you an idiot?"

Suddenly, Cure Chiave closes in for the kiss, much to Cure Dio's surprise. The Closed Space starts to dissolve around the trio, eventually pulling them in violently.

Kyon lands on the floor of his bed, once again in his pajamas. He opens the window and says with a matter-of-fact tone in his voice and an irritated look on his face, "Sigmund Freud's going to have a field day with this one."

Haruhi somehow winds up lying next to her TV. She gets back up and asks, "What the hell was that all about?"

She stands back up and turns on the TV. The local NHK station is playing its programming. "Well… I guess I'm back in the real world. I guess I'll wear a freaking ponytail tomorrow…"

It has been a while since Haruhi last did a ponytail, so her latest attempt isn't very convincing, but at least it's passable. Kyon makes a note of it as he takes his seat.

"Yo. How's it going?"

Haruhi says, "I feel freaking miserable--I had a nightmare last night! I ended up watching the Italian Zombi trilogy all night. I never wanted to skip school as much as now."

"Really? Oh, Haruhi, your hair truly looks nice today."

Kyon bumps into Itsuki during break. Itsuki smiles and says, "I need to thank you; the world remains as it is. As Suzumiya is still here, it appears I won't be out of a job just yet.

"Indeed, you did really well. I'm serious. However, we can't discount the possibility that we're in yet another new world as of right now. In any case, it's an honor to see you and Suzumiya again.

"See you after school."

At the clubroom, Kyon sees Yuki reading as usual. She says, "You and Haruhi Suzumiya both disappeared from this world for two and a half hours."

Kyon says, "I'm reading the book you lent me. I'll probably be able to return it in at least another week."

"I see."

"So tell me… how many others like you are on Earth?"


"Will another one like Asakura jump the shit out of me?"

Yuki smiles faintly and says, "Don't worry; I'll give them hell before they touch you."

After school, Mikuru is present in the clubroom when Kyon returns. Clad in her sailor fuku, she promptly throws herself onto him. "I'm so glad you're alright! I thought we'd never… be able… to return to this world…"

Suddenly, Mikuru feels Kyon's arms wrapping around her. She pushes him off instantly. He can only ask, "What the hell was that for!?"

"We… we mustn't; if Suzumiya caught us, it'd be like birds of a feather making the same mistake all over again."

"What are you talking about? And whatever happened to your maid dress?"

"Oh… it's being washed right now."

Kyon suddenly remembers the clue the future Mikuru had earlier shown him. Pointing to the spot he remembered on his own chest, he says, "I just remembered--don't you have a star-shaped mole on your chest, right here?"

Mikuru suddenly looks at the spot where Kyon had indicated. She quickly turns red. "H-How did you know!? I never knew it was shaped like a star! Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-When did you see it!?"

"Ahem. What the hell is going on?"

Haruhi has walked in with a new paper bag. Inside is a new costume. She says, "I guess you've finally grown sick and tired of your maid dress, right? Come on, then, it's time to change!"

Suddenly, and without warning, Haruhi pounces on Mikuru, who starts screaming. Haruhi says, "Stop struggling! Resistance is futile. This time, you'll be a nurse. A nurse, for Mike's sake! Aren't you tired of wearing that maid dress all the time?"

Mikuru yells, "At least close the door!"

Kyon obeys after scampering outside.

Kyon is standing outside the Kitaguchi Station waiting for Haruhi to show up. He has been there for half an hour.

Then Haruhi shows up wearing a white official SOS Brigade T-shirt and cuffed jean shorts. For once, she's baring her legs, seeing that she needs to keep cool in the hot summer.

Haruhi snarls, "Shit… I was hoping to see everyone wearing the official SOS Brigade T-shirt today."

Kyon says, "Sorry, Haruhi, but everyone else seems to be unavailable at the moment."

Haruhi says, "Shit. At least you're wearing yours. I expect you and everyone else in the SOS Brigade to wear the official T-shirt to the clubroom from now on.

"I guess I'll be footing the bill for once. It's only fair."

As they enter the cafe, Kyon says, "I've got lots for us to talk about while we're here. Such as what you've got planned for us, what costumes Asahina could possibly wear, what you think about Freud and dream interpretation…

"But of course, I think I've decided we should talk about the paranormal first. That's right… to talk about aliens, time travelers, and ESPers."

The cafe door closes behind them.

(ED: "Hare Hare Yukai (cover version)" by Emma Watson)

Next episode: "Baseball Tango! It Takes Way More Than Two!" Hit it.

Voice actorsEditEdit